Yesterday I felt tremendously guilty. Guilty, because I love writing so much, I'm letting it take over my life. Guilty, because my husband lets me!
Today I feel better. Not perfect, but better. I don't know if it's because I finally figured out how to write the scene I'd been struggling with, or if it's because we got three shows watched on the DVR, or it's because I found time to write AND spend some time with my husband (even if that time was watching TV). Heck, I even managed to cook dinner last night – a rarity in itself!
But I'm sure the guilt will return full blast. I just need to give it time.
I always associated guilt with wrong-doing. Yet, it creeps up whenever I want to do something for myself. So what am I doing wrong?
Can I get rid of this feeling? Will it ever go away completely? Or am I doomed because that's just the way I'm built?
I'm not really looking for answers. I'm just looking to rant a little. But if you have any insights, I'd be happy to hear what you have to say (or read what you have to comment!).
4 comments:
I think that sort of guilt comes with being a wife and mom. I get it too, believe me. I then remind myself that my husband doesn't feel guilty AT ALL if he plays golf or goes fishing, and that helps. Nor does he feel guilty if he sits on his butt all evening watching TV LOL. He does get cranky if he's not getting much attention from me due to the writing, so I make sure to pay attention to him **before** I get into a writing stint.
Hi, Stacy. *reaches up and offers a high-five*
I feel terrible guilty, too. I work too many hours and then come home to my laptop!! I spend nearly every waking moment networking. We did just go on vacation and I didn't take the laptop. I try to make it a point to take the family to dinner or go to the movies or something with just my wife. Thankfully, my wife has given me the space to chase this dream for a little while.
Hang in there, okay?
-Jimmy
I understand. I have no trouble writing when my husband's not home but when he is I feel I should be doing something with him. Even if it's just watching TV. Then I sit in front of the TV feeling guilty about the writing I'm not getting done.
BTW - yours is one of a handfull of blogs that will not let me comment via my Google Account. Says I'm not authorized to leave a comment here. Wish I could figure out why.
Now I feel guilty for not replying sooner! I'm such a dork!
Jennette - Yeah, I'm pretty sure my husband doesn't feel much guilt with the things he does (or doesn't do). I need to learn to be more like him!
Hi Jimmy! (High-five backatcha). I don't know how you do it and stay sane. I have enough problems with an 8-5 job. It helps when you have a supportive spouse, but it's the inner critic I have to be careful of!
Yes, Linda! I know exactly what you mean. You feel guilty writing and guilty not writing! As for blogger, I found that when I stopped checking the "remember me" box, I had no problem commenting. Somehow that little box is all screwed up.
Thanks for commenting. I really do appreciate it. Next time I won't be so tardy!
Post a Comment